so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk is not a location!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
