How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize