tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
