Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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