At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
