Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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