Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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