Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
