The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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