Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
