I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
