I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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