My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
