I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
