for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
