you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
