I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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