So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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