Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
