it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this just has baby written all over it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
