Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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