Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
