I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
