Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
