hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
