I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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