I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
