There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
