I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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