Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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