I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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