i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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