I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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