there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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