New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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