I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
