Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
