She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
