oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
