I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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