Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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