I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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