I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm passing your future prison.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
