This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
