You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
