So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
