is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize