The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
