He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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