do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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