it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
