I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
