its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
