i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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