I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
