Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
