4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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