You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's not a walk of shame if you run
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
