Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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