I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
