My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
