I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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