exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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