My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize