is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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