I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
