if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
