Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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