Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
