my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your penis caused this!
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