Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
