Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this will be a night to untag.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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