are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
